I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine. Like many of us out there he is looking for that perfect girl that balances naughty and nice. He has been searching for the mystical creature for a while and even though he is having lots of fun and exciting adventures, it seems to me that he is becoming rather frustrated. Talking to him got me thinking. How can we find what we are all looking for?

The search for this answer was on. It all started as a simple experiment. At first I just wanted to know what people were looking for. Quickly I noticed a pattern. Every time I would ask the questions what do you look for in a girl? I would get the same answer. “I don’t know”. “I’m looking for a nice girl” “I’m looking for a girl with a killer body”. After hearing a few of my friend’s ideas of what they were looking for, I could not help but to think that they would never find it. The answers I got were just too general. I want a nice girl really doesn’t tell me anything. What does a killer body mean? Don’t get me wrong I know what a killer body means to me but do we as individuals know what we are looking for? Are we just blindly walking around with hope that we will by some form of miracle run into the mystical creature? A bigger questions is, is this strategy good enough?

I also wanted to know what girls were thinking and what they were looking for. Surprisingly, women (with some exceptions I’m sure) don’t have the slightest idea as to what it is they want. A nice guy with a job is not a good enough answer. What does “someone who treats me right” mean? Another misconception I came across is that money play a big role in matters of the heart. “I want a guy that takes me on expensive vacations” is about as shallow as the guy who is looking for the girl with double “Ds”.

After striking some really interesting conversation with many strangers in the bay area, I walked away somewhat confused. You see I felt somewhat upside down as far as my points off views. I’m really clear as to what I want and money is really not a factor in my search. I want to fall deep in love with someone who is caring and sweet. I’m looking for that fairy tale romance. You know, that romance that moves you when you hear about it, the one that includes “unconditional love”, where they love you for who you are and not for what you have. Furthermore, I would like to think that deep inside, we are all looking for love and not a transaction. None the less, there was one thing clear. There are a lot of people out there who are looking for something or someone with a hit or miss strategy.

This experiment was eye opening to me. Not only did I find out that we as people have no idea as to what we really want but I also found that I had no idea as to how to look for it. I’m guilty of it as well. I’m also a contributor. The hit or miss strategy was a part of my life and I didn’t even know it. Just like many of you I would walk into bars, pubs and clubs and order a drink looking for someone. I would strike conversations and have a few laughs and maybe even connect with someone whom I’d later go out with and share some good times only to end up right back where I started a few months later. Sometimes I would have the question in mind just like you. You know that question, “why can’t I find what I want?” Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets and have enjoyed every bit of my experiences good or bad but this did not change the fact that this pattern was present in my life.

While processing through my experiment, I began to look at myself and began to wonder. Is this hit or miss strategy, this passive way of life was really good enough to find happiness? Let’s think about that. Do you treat anything important in your life with a hit or miss approach? When you were in college did you go to school with no real clear view of why you where there? If you had failed a class would just not give it a second thought and just enrolled in the next one with the same attitude and no real direction? I would guess not. At very least we would be hard on ourselves and try really hard to get it right the next time. In some cases I would say if we did fail at something and it was important to us, we would take on the challenge again and this time we would prepare for it. It’s intriguing to me how human connections are so important to us. Whether you are gay or straight, male or female, we are all looking for that special connection with someone. I would say it’s probably the most important thing in our lives really. Some girls dream of their wedding day from the time they are 5. Guys would never stop playing video games, ridding skate boards and go look for a job if it wasn’t that they want to have money to go out on dates. Sigmund Freud had a whole theory about how our very reason for human motivation was sex. Well, I don’t know about you guys but when I think of sex, I immediately think of another person. So, if personal interaction is so important why are we so passive & careless about what we need? If you don’t think the hit or miss strategy is good enough for you, come back next week for some ideas on how to develop a different strategy.