Breaking Up, Right & Wrong Tuesday, Dec 7 2010 

Break ups are never easy. Sometimes they tent to make us think and question ourselves. Have you ever been in a break up where you stopped and wondered how did it all come about? Maybe you put your all into the relationship and somehow it was not enough. Have you ever asked yourself, how can that person not appreciate what they had in me? It’s understandable to ask these questions. You look around and notice how people treat each-other and you know in your heart with no doubt that you were gold when you compare your behavior to other’s. However, somehow the person you were with could not see the value in you and your relationship fell apart. As you stand there and watch it all crumble, you can’t help but wonder how did it all dissolve into nothing?

If you’ve been there, you know these times in your life are never easy. If you are going through something similar to what I’m describing, you have my sympathy. I know you’re facing some really tough moments powerful enough to rock your emotional foundation. If you’ve never been there and don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m really sorry. I wish I could tell you that you will never have to live through this but chances are at some point or another you will face this horrible feeling. This is a sour drink we must taste and if we are lucky, we get to learn a few things from it. Now, let’s talk about some of the things we might be thinking when facing this dramatic section of the master piece called our life… When you face these heart wrenching moments, do you tend to look around and find that some of the rudest people are with the nicest people? By some mysterious nature the really sweet, cute sexy girl is constantly chasing the lame, short, rude jerk. The really nice, hopeless romantic guy is in love with the plastic, trashy, ridiculously mean girl who has no self respect or respect for others. How can we not be appreciated when we are so great? We are nice, lovable, passionate, friendly, funny, supportive and cute and the list goes on and on. In addition, when things were good in our relationship, they were so good… What happened? Should we be mean? Maybe if I’m mean, the sweet romantic guy will be into me? The answer is no. The universe responds to everything we put out there. If we are mean, soon enough someone will be mean to us. The bigger the jerk we are, the bigger the jerk we will find.

I often say the world is upside down and I’m the only one standing up right. When we look at the idea of right, in respect to behavior, we could say there are three ways to look at the concept of right.

1)      That which is right is right no matter what. That which is wrong is wrong no matter what.

2)      That which is right for the majority of the people dictate what is right.

3)      That which is right for me is what dictates the right.

In my opinion that which is right is right. Whether the majority agrees or disagrees it doesn’t make a difference as to whether or not something is right or wrong. We know it is wrong to take human life. If the majority of the population stated that it was ok to run around and shoot people, we would not run around shooting people simply because it’s allowed or accepted by the majority. Now, when we visit the idea that what is right for me is “right”, is very easy to see that this idea is not correct. If I dictate what is right, who is to say that my right will not cause a burden on to others. That said, if you feel the world is upside down and you are the only person standing up right, don’t feel bad. We are only responsible for our own behavior. Behaving “right” and being able to look in the mirror feeling good about who we are is a major accomplishment. This very idea that we are not like the majority is the very reason why we are so valuable. We are the unique pink diamond. We are the rear piece of art in the world. The sweet, cute, sexy, passionate, smart girl is what every guy wants. Just the same, the nice, sweet romantic guy is what every girl wants. Let the world be upside down and remember to value who you are. Learn to appreciate who you are. You are not responsible for the world. You are responsible for you and with all your imperfections; you are the platinum in the world. You are the best person you could be. As long as you behave right, you are the catch.

In order to appreciate the sweet in life we must taste the sour. Remember our role in the last relationship might have been to help that individual learn the difference between good and bad. They might go on in life after tasting the sweet to discover the sour and in the process discover their real needs. If you did not take part in that process they might never have found their way. I invite you to feel good about your contribution to the development of that individual. Try to remember that while you were contributing to their development, they were contributing to yours as well. Those little things they used to do that drove you crazy, now that you know what they are, you know if you see then in someone else they are probably not the right person for you. The guy who you just dumped or the guy who just dumped you contributed to your finding your way. If they dumped you is because you deserve better and they wanted to give you the space so that you could find the amazing person you deserve. The girl that was mean to you was mean so that you can appreciate the girl that is sweet to you. Now you know that a mean girl is not what you want.

Having a healthy mind set will place you in the right path… The universe also has a process and you are going through it. It’s like the first time you where trying to get you drivers license. You waited in line, you took the written test, you took your driving test and once you were done it was all over. Now you don’t even think about your driver’s license. Well, it’s the same with the universe. You live life and learn from the experience and once the process is done, you will have the magical person in your life. After a while, you will not even think about the idea of finding the right person. Trust me when I say this, those couples that have been together for 20 yrs and are mad in love, cant wait to see each-other and count the hours that they apart don’t think about finding the right person. They been driving for a long time.

I hope this helps you navigate through you human experience. I hope this helps you embrace the negative and enjoy the positive. Remember the more right you put out there, the more right you will have in your life.

Alexis 🙂

 

Learning From A Four Year Old’s Mind Monday, Jul 12 2010 

Recently I’ve had the magical experience of hanging out with a 4 year old boy. The first few times we chilled together, I could not help but to be amazed of how quickly he was able to bring me back to being four again. This to me was especially surprising because as some of you may know, I’ve been a grown up for quite some time. In addition, I’ve consciously navigated through my dating experiences with the underlined mission of avoiding single moms. Kids just haven’t been a part of my life and the thought of ever having to share my life with one had the same affect to me as the sound of nails on a chalk board.

One morning I decided to take on the challenge of being open minded and actually dating a single mom. I thought how bad could it really be? “If I hang out with her kid and I don’t like it, well, I can return him back to the mother and go home”. The plan seemed perfect. I could experience what it would be like to interact with a child on a part time bases and go back to my regular life at the end of the day. Not to mention, the curiosity was killing me. My brother had a child and he talked about how positive this event was in his life. My friends with kids always talked about how kids were so amazing. I could never take part in some conversations because I could not relate. In some cases, when my friend Shawn would talk to me about his son, I felt like we were speaking different languages and somehow I kept missing the punch line. I decided to move forward with the adventure.

Me and the 4 yr Old:

The first encounter was actually a little over whelming. The little guy seemed to get upset at just about everything. He cried because he wanted candy, whined about wanting juice, complained about where we were going and last but not least, he talked nonstop. I kept thinking he would eventually run out of oxygen and have to take a breath. I could not help to think about human physiology and some important questions came into play. “How long can a person talk before running out of saliva”? I can honestly say that I still don’t know the answer.

We arrived at the park and I had a plan. I would picnic with mommy while the little man would play with the kids at the park. What I failed to realize was that the little man also makes plans. He’s plan included me playing with him. In addition, there is no way to tell a 4 yr old “No”. Four year olds get their feeling hurt and if you try to be polite and simply shift attention, they call you on it. “Alexis, I’m talking to you. I want you to play with me. Please?” How can you say “no” to that? After all I am the adult. I should understand the fact that this child likes to play and requires attention just like I did when I was four. We began to play. First we played on the castle like structure. We moved on jumped into a swing and began to swing front to back. “Let’s see who can go faster”? The little guy said. Once we came off the swings the little guy stated that he had a plan. “Let’s race to where the ducks are and feed the ducks”? We began to run. I’ve never seen anyone have this much energy. “What do you feed him”? I asked mommy. I was thinking maybe he was on a Red Bull & Power Bar diet. As an adult who is always looking on how to capitalize on situations, I was thinking on how to bottle the energy and sell it. Forget the 5 hour energy drink. If I could bottle and sell this energy, I would solve the weight problem in America while increasing productivity in the nation by at least 30%. Even though I was on and off thinking about all this, I was also having a great time. Before I knew it or could see what was happening, I was four again.

After the initial park day, mommy and I had a very important conversation. If we were to keep hanging out with the little guy, we would have to make an agreement. No matter what, If we were to stop dating we would stay friends and still hang out. This was a requirement. I could not allow for the little one to get used to me and somehow go though the disconnect if mommy and I broke up. We agreed and continued to date.

A few months later we spent a weekend at the beach and played in the hotel pool. The little man and I would take turn throwing each other in the pool. As I walked to grab a drink from the table, the little guy walked to my cousin and asked for him to take on my role and throw him in the pool. As I heard this in the back ground and turned around, I stated, “Make sure he lands with his feet first”. It was too late. There was a splash. The little guy came to the surface and even though he was ok, I knew he did not like the experience. I immediately pulled him out and asked him to go into the other pool with his mommy. It was not intentional; my cousin was just trying to play with the little one. However, I could not help but to be somewhat angry. The little guy did not get angry and fifteen minutes later, after my cousin and I had a conversation, both my cousin and I were throwing him back in the pool.

I came home a couple of days later and was having lunch with my friend. We were talking about my recent experiences and I mentioned the incident with the little guy and my cousin. After describing how I felt, she replied, you seem a little protective of the little guy. That’s when it hit me. Yes, I was protective. The little guy had somehow won me over. I no longer chilled out with him just to see mommy but I actually was enjoying my time with him. He had become a part of my experience.

Kids are a pain and they demand attention, throw fits, cry, laugh, feel, argue and do everything adults do. The difference is, they don’t hold on to anything, if you upset them, they let it go in minutes and they are still your friend. If you say “no” and their feelings get hurt, they let it go and forget about it in minutes and you are still their hero. Their spirit is pure and doesn’t hold on to anything. Their love is unconditional and they don’t really expect anything in return. In addition, the idea that they feel invincible and need you to protect them from themselves places us in a hero type role. When it come to kids we must do all we can to preserve those qualities of innocence as well as the ability to hold on to nothing and let go of everything. As adults our lives would be simple if we could understand that nothing is worth holding on to. Life is about the experience. Therefore, live it and let it go. We can learn so much from the mind of a four year old.