Breaking Up, Right & Wrong Tuesday, Dec 7 2010 

Break ups are never easy. Sometimes they tent to make us think and question ourselves. Have you ever been in a break up where you stopped and wondered how did it all come about? Maybe you put your all into the relationship and somehow it was not enough. Have you ever asked yourself, how can that person not appreciate what they had in me? It’s understandable to ask these questions. You look around and notice how people treat each-other and you know in your heart with no doubt that you were gold when you compare your behavior to other’s. However, somehow the person you were with could not see the value in you and your relationship fell apart. As you stand there and watch it all crumble, you can’t help but wonder how did it all dissolve into nothing?

If you’ve been there, you know these times in your life are never easy. If you are going through something similar to what I’m describing, you have my sympathy. I know you’re facing some really tough moments powerful enough to rock your emotional foundation. If you’ve never been there and don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m really sorry. I wish I could tell you that you will never have to live through this but chances are at some point or another you will face this horrible feeling. This is a sour drink we must taste and if we are lucky, we get to learn a few things from it. Now, let’s talk about some of the things we might be thinking when facing this dramatic section of the master piece called our life… When you face these heart wrenching moments, do you tend to look around and find that some of the rudest people are with the nicest people? By some mysterious nature the really sweet, cute sexy girl is constantly chasing the lame, short, rude jerk. The really nice, hopeless romantic guy is in love with the plastic, trashy, ridiculously mean girl who has no self respect or respect for others. How can we not be appreciated when we are so great? We are nice, lovable, passionate, friendly, funny, supportive and cute and the list goes on and on. In addition, when things were good in our relationship, they were so good… What happened? Should we be mean? Maybe if I’m mean, the sweet romantic guy will be into me? The answer is no. The universe responds to everything we put out there. If we are mean, soon enough someone will be mean to us. The bigger the jerk we are, the bigger the jerk we will find.

I often say the world is upside down and I’m the only one standing up right. When we look at the idea of right, in respect to behavior, we could say there are three ways to look at the concept of right.

1)      That which is right is right no matter what. That which is wrong is wrong no matter what.

2)      That which is right for the majority of the people dictate what is right.

3)      That which is right for me is what dictates the right.

In my opinion that which is right is right. Whether the majority agrees or disagrees it doesn’t make a difference as to whether or not something is right or wrong. We know it is wrong to take human life. If the majority of the population stated that it was ok to run around and shoot people, we would not run around shooting people simply because it’s allowed or accepted by the majority. Now, when we visit the idea that what is right for me is “right”, is very easy to see that this idea is not correct. If I dictate what is right, who is to say that my right will not cause a burden on to others. That said, if you feel the world is upside down and you are the only person standing up right, don’t feel bad. We are only responsible for our own behavior. Behaving “right” and being able to look in the mirror feeling good about who we are is a major accomplishment. This very idea that we are not like the majority is the very reason why we are so valuable. We are the unique pink diamond. We are the rear piece of art in the world. The sweet, cute, sexy, passionate, smart girl is what every guy wants. Just the same, the nice, sweet romantic guy is what every girl wants. Let the world be upside down and remember to value who you are. Learn to appreciate who you are. You are not responsible for the world. You are responsible for you and with all your imperfections; you are the platinum in the world. You are the best person you could be. As long as you behave right, you are the catch.

In order to appreciate the sweet in life we must taste the sour. Remember our role in the last relationship might have been to help that individual learn the difference between good and bad. They might go on in life after tasting the sweet to discover the sour and in the process discover their real needs. If you did not take part in that process they might never have found their way. I invite you to feel good about your contribution to the development of that individual. Try to remember that while you were contributing to their development, they were contributing to yours as well. Those little things they used to do that drove you crazy, now that you know what they are, you know if you see then in someone else they are probably not the right person for you. The guy who you just dumped or the guy who just dumped you contributed to your finding your way. If they dumped you is because you deserve better and they wanted to give you the space so that you could find the amazing person you deserve. The girl that was mean to you was mean so that you can appreciate the girl that is sweet to you. Now you know that a mean girl is not what you want.

Having a healthy mind set will place you in the right path… The universe also has a process and you are going through it. It’s like the first time you where trying to get you drivers license. You waited in line, you took the written test, you took your driving test and once you were done it was all over. Now you don’t even think about your driver’s license. Well, it’s the same with the universe. You live life and learn from the experience and once the process is done, you will have the magical person in your life. After a while, you will not even think about the idea of finding the right person. Trust me when I say this, those couples that have been together for 20 yrs and are mad in love, cant wait to see each-other and count the hours that they apart don’t think about finding the right person. They been driving for a long time.

I hope this helps you navigate through you human experience. I hope this helps you embrace the negative and enjoy the positive. Remember the more right you put out there, the more right you will have in your life.

Alexis 🙂

 

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What is Success? Wednesday, Sep 8 2010 

From time to time I slow down and pay attention to those around me. More often than not I’m blown away by the funny things I notice. There are many ironies in life. Recently, I’ve been overwhelmed with some intriguing question. Why does life become complicated? Do we control how complicated our life becomes? Are we slaves to our thoughts?

After spending several weeks pondering the first question and coming up with many deferent ideas for possible answers, I narrowed it down. I have to say the only person responsible for your life being complicated is you. I don’t mean for you to be offended or feel defensive. I’ll have you know, I complicate my life in the same manner you complicate yours. Its normal and we are all guilty of it. After analyzing this idea and really breaking it down, I realized that more often than not our complicating our life is directly connected to a few factors. These factors apply to everyone. However, how much of an impact each of these factors have in our individual lives may vary. A large contributor to a complicated life is ambition. Ambition is a quality that can be positive and negative depending on who you are and how you see yourself. If you have the desire to have more in life and posses the drive to go after the things you want, ambition can be a good thing. If you allow your ambition to become dominant of your life to the point where it become obsessive, ambition could become an oppressive nightmare.

In my life, I’ve been very fortunate. I was born into a family of much wealth. Having a personal servant as a child had some benefits. Having parents who catered to my every want, was very cool. Living above it all and not having a care in the world was priceless. However, the real lucky break was when my family lost it all. At the age of ten it was very difficult to understand why no one was there to prepare the cloths I would wear. The idea that I had to go to a school and not have my personal tutor come to my home was an adjustment. Moving away from my spacious home several times over until eventually ending up in a small apartment in CA seemed dreadful. However, what I did not realize back then was that my life was going to teach me about many things that I would have missed if these drastic changes did not take place. At an early age I learned that material things are never entirely ours. Money for example, tend to have this funny way of giving us a false sense of ownership. When we have it in our hands, we can’t help but to think we own it and it belongs to us. This idea of ownership provides a false sense of security and stability. In reality money doesn’t belong to anyone. Money just like everything else that is material simply serves a purpose. Think about it for second. Today you have $1000.00 in your savings account and tomorrow your car needs tires and “your money” moves on to the next phase of its path. Therefore, could you say that you ever really owned it? Or would you say, you held it for a designated period of time until it was time for you to give it to someone else? Hm… In my opinion, it is ironic how money provides us with a false sense of security as well as opportunities to take care of the things we need while also depending on us to serve as an intricate part of the transition process. If you think of this idea and apply it to everything that is material in your life, you will understand that we never posses anything. Nothing material is truly ever ours. Losing everything I had at such an early age helped me understand this concept. In addition, it opened my eyes to the idea that we, people, are not what we have. The misconception of ownership often leads us to think our identity is attached to the house we live in, the car we drive, the work we do, the salary we earn etc. This could not be further from the truth. My parents lost everything but they were still my parents and I was still their son. I am the same Alexis today that I was ten years ago and will be the same Alexis I am today in 20 years from now.

Among my many fortunate breaks in life, is the fact that I’ve had the opportunity to meet really wealthy people. I’ve been blessed with the ability to see their life up close and personal. The routine 4 am wake call, fast breakfast, driver outside their penthouse waiting to take them to the office followed by a day filled with hundreds of phone calls, text messages, emails and meetings is the norm for most millionaires. If you are a mover and a shaker and you are making big money, I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. The common and familiar filling at 5pm, realizing that you forgot to eat lunch, the arriving home after 12 hours in the office only to log on to your laptop to continue to work on the numbers for the next fiscal year is the reality of your life. Then there is those amazing weekends where you spend your time planning out your personal taxes and maybe if you’re lucky, you might squeeze in a game of golf while your assistant follows you around the golf course going over your schedule for the following week. I’ve actually met some guys who have to schedule the time they plan on spending with their wife. I wonder how passionate can that be? If this is not your scenario, try to think of someone you know who may live their life this way. In many cases we don’t have to look to such extremes. Many of us know what is like to have your parents miss your football games and recitals because they had client meetings or some kind of dead line at work. Now that you are imagining the life I described ask yourself these questions. Does slavery have to be physical or can it just be mental? Are we slaves to our own ambition? If so, why? There are many millionaires who accumulate so much wealth only to give it away when they die. They never stop to enjoy the wealth they built. Why is that?

Fear… The fear of the unknown drives us to wrap our minds around that false sense of security that material things provide. If we don’t know where our life will take us how do we know we have enough? Will we be ok tomorrow? In addition, you add the fact that somehow in the process we managed to tie our identity to the house, car, cloths and social status we live in and the possibility of losing any of it would destroy us to the core. Who would we be? What would we do? Would we be accepted? Fear fuels our need for more and in the process can in some cases slave us.

Over the last few months I’ve had the opportunity to talk to many young adults. I found it mind blowing how many young adults share the same goal in life. “I want to be a millionaire so that I never have to worry about anything” is such a common statement among young adults. It is borderline scary. We are creating a cookie cutter society driven by the false idea that money cures fear. It’s no wonder why there so many of us out there that find ourselves depressed at 30. Lets look at this for a second. If 10% of the American population control 90% of the wealth in America, nearly 20% of the population live in poverty in America, (America is among the wealthiest countries) this means approximately 70% of our population is struggling to achieve what many would feel is impossible. Remember education and social connections are large contributors to why that 10% control 90% of the wealth. This doesn’t mean it is impossible but a young adult from middle or lower income class America sure have the odds against them when the price for a good education can run anywhere between $1000,000 to $300,000 dollars.

Losing it all was a real blessing. I often times get asked this question. How is it that you are so relaxed about life? You never stress and you’re always happy. In addition, I’ve had many ask or assume I have some kind of trust fund and this is why I’m never stressed. When this occurs, I simply smile and reply… who knows? If you really want to know the secret, I’ll tell you in my brothers words. I’m simply a “Thousandnaire®” I know you will not find that word in the English dictionary. A thousandnaire is the individual who can simply enjoy life for what it is and appreciate the simple things. You are a thousandaire and you did not know it. If you are a millionaire you have many things to worry about. Ambitious people are constantly trying to take the money or things you think you own. Thousandaires don’t have that problem. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy my massages, social life, good cloths and the occasional travel. However, the most pleasant part of my life is the lack of stress. I chose not to let fear drive me into slavery. I chose to be free and with freedom comes real comfort as well as contentment. I consciously work to simplifying my life and my only real quest is to do anything I want to do with no limitations. If I want to travel I plan and work towards it. I don’t worry about the illusion that we call tomorrow because tomorrow doesn’t exist until it gets hear. I simply live today and create a stress free day. The Daly Lama said it best “Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday, was it worth it?”

I invite you to try it. It won’t be easy but I can guaranty it will be worth it. Make it a point today to eliminate one item in your life that causes stress. Do that every day and for every stressful item that you eliminate from your life have a relaxing item replace it. Your neighbors stresses you out, don’t talk to them as much and give yourself ten minutes of quiet instead. Your financially stressed cancel your cable TV and make it a point to relax with your family watching the sunset. You can find a map of stars and play games to see who can find and name the most constellations. These ideas will not only help to relax you but can in some cases strengthen your family’s relationships buy opening lines of communication. My parents played games and talked to me every evening. I was not babysat by cartoons nor was I raised by Nintendo. In part because those luxuries were just not available. However, the lessons learned while talking to my mom for just one hour, I would not trade for a life time of video games. I hope you get the picture. If you don’t and you need more ideas, shoot me a comment and I’ll share more.